I’ve had to come to a realization recently. It was hard. It took much longer than I wish it would have. And, I had no idea it was coming. Funnily enough, the realization itself crystallized for me when I decided to put aside my fears of making a mistake with my website and decided to just do whatever I wanted to do with it.
The past few days, I’ve been loathe to write. (Yes, this is the realization. Well, the main one, anyway.)
Not just reluctant.
The idea of trying to force myself to put words on the screen was loathsome.
I set too high of a goal when I decided to try to write two manuscripts this month. I’m already under enough stress- that’s why I withdrew from one university in favor of changing my life by attending a different one. That, and I couldn’t face the idea of another term while still waiting to purchase our house. With each passing day, that transaction gets more stressful, for one reason or another. The stress of school, child-rearing, and life in general had gotten to be too much. So I withdrew and applied at a closer institution. And then what did I do?
I decided to try to commit to writing 100,000 words in 30 days.
Sure, in a normal year, where I’m not going to school and I’m not involved in a lengthy house purchase, I could probably do it. Barely, but still manageable.
This year, not so much.
A couple of days ago I decided to revisit a different method of novel-writing. I am hopeful that I will find this method to be more sustainable. I need, desperately, a writing schedule that will fit into an already-hectic-and-about-to-get-more-so schedule.
I need to find a balance.
Part of finding that balance, for me, is giving myself the freedom to write about whatever I want to write about. That’s what this site is supposed to be for me.
Somewhere, I lost sight of that. I forgot that I had decided not to try to fit in to the normal mold. Other wise, I would still have a series of separate blogs.
Instead, I have one website.
The byline is “An Author’s Voice” for a reason. I have not yet pigeonholed myself into one category or genre. That’s what I had forgotten.
I had shackled myself to the idea that I had to write around themes I’d already established.
I had shackled myself by over-committing myself when already overtaxed.
I gain my freedom today by launching a new page: A Culinary Virtual World Tour.
I gain my freedom today by forgiving myself for making a commitment I cannot fulfill and releasing myself from my promise to try my best to fulfill the NaNoWriMo requirements.
Instead, I will be writing about the fabulous restaurants I’ve visited recently and researching for the two stories I started for NaNoWriMo. Once I am re-familiarized with the other writing plan, I will begin following it. I will be writing about that, too.
All in all, it has been a much-needed beneficial realization.
I am once again looking forward to writing and sharing my experiences through this medium.
Thanks for reading.