changing behaviors

Disappointments and changes. . .

Recently, I had to face the fact that not everything I try for will fall into my lap, regardless of how much I want (need!) it.

I’ve found that my scholastic site has suffered neglect this whole term, and to top it off, I didn’t get a scholarship I desperately wanted (In hindsight, I can totally see where I botched the interview.) In my defense, it was the first interview I’ve gone on in at least 7 years. Combined with the reality of actually being around (a lot of!) people on a regular basis, I think the stress just went to my mouth and the filter between vocal chords and brain disintegrated for a while. Then, you take into account the fact that I was never a participant in the program I was interviewing for and I can totally understand why I didn’t get chosen for a position.

Not that odds are irrelevant, but when you factor those into the situation, I’m not sure I ever had a shot. . .There were 40 positions, and 120 candidates were interviewed.

No matter. The result of this has been for me to undertake a couple of new, positive projects, instead of the negative emotions and the dark period I’d expected.

This is a landmark occasion; celebrating the positive, or reacting in a positive way to disappointment, so I felt I should commemorate the occasion.

As a result, I made my other site private, until I figure out how I want to focus it (and fit it into my schedule). One less thing for me to stress about.

Now, off to taking notes for my Ancient Greek Lit paper.


Categories: changing behaviors, writing | Leave a comment

Checking in, finally

I currently have a long break between my second and third class of the day, and this time, instead of wasting the time in an angst-y state of wandering the same three blocks of campus, I discovered the rec center. I had a lovely work-out (though next time I must come better prepared so that I can take full advantage of the machines and pool). I feel healthier than I have a in few months.

Then I discovered that I can blog from school. Before my laptop arrives. Glorious news, let me tell you!

I cannot believe how hobbled and stifled I’ve felt for the past few weeks, not having a laptop and being away from my computer for the majority of the day when I am attending classes. The first couple of weeks, my hands were cramping so bad that I thought I’d have to soak my fingers before I was able to drive home. Now, it’s not so bad, but I cannot wait to be able to voice-record lectures and type my notes instead of scribbling them.

No matter what, though, I have to say that today has been a very good day. Just what I needed to be prepared for the next class, where I’ll find out how my first midterm at PSU went.

I wish I could say that I have been writing fiction up a storm, but alas, that has not been the case.

Hopefully, that will change soon. After all, I did decide to add a minor in creative writing, so I’ll have to do it, sooner or later. 😉

So, no more aimless wanderings for 2+ hours on school days, and no more excuses for not getting my exercise or blogging.

Academics, my physical state, and my mental state are all in the upper tiers, and soon I shall be writing prolifically again. All in all, a great start to 2013.



Categories: academics, changing behaviors, creative writing, writing | 2 Comments

A new writing space

My winter gift this year was the gift of new writing space.

In my efforts to find myself as a dedicated writer, I unearthed a series of articles from the early 2000’s call Book in a Year.

The first month is dedicated to character building and to synopsis writing. But only after you’ve found your “writing space”.

All this time, I’ve blithely ignored that first, crucial step. Finding my writing space. Well, it seemed obvious to me that my writing space was wherever my computer happened to be. Since it is still tethered to the wall and not at all portable, I never really gave much thought to the actual location where I was asking myself to spend hours a day.

Preferably productive hours.

Right next to the front door has been my desk’s home for the last three and a half years. Drafty, high traffic, high stress, if there exists in this house an area less conducive to creative OR productive thought, I’ve yet to find it.

As some of you know, my spouse works nights. After having been together for ten years before he took this job, we miss sleeping next to one another.

That is to say, I sleep poorly half the week and he sleeps best if I’m in the room with him while he snoozes the day away. Add to that the temperature requirements (his cold as can be; me just this side of roasting) and it’s been a long, difficult journey to finding the proper compromise for us. But, I think today, we found it.

My desk was moved to our bedroom.

I’ve always hated the computer in the bedroom, though he’s had his in our room more often than not. I’ve hated the thought of the light waking me. I’ve hated the thought of the distractions of the internet being only a fingertip away.

Well, now I can admit I was wrong.

I love my new space!

His desk is on one side of the bed, while mine is on the other.

I can write and there will be no one peeking over my shoulder, no one to offer criticism before it’s asked for. I can play games. I can surf the internet, write email, pay bills, all from the comfort of my bedroom.

I love it.



Categories: changing behaviors, creative writing, hobbies, writing | Tags: , , | 1 Comment

A New Page, A New Start

I’ve had to come to a realization recently. It was hard. It took much longer than I wish it would have. And, I had no idea it was coming. Funnily enough, the realization itself crystallized for me when I decided to put aside my fears of making a mistake with my website and decided to just do whatever I wanted to do with it.

The past few days, I’ve been loathe to write. (Yes, this is the realization. Well, the main one, anyway.)

Not just reluctant.

The idea of trying to force myself to put words on the screen was loathsome.

I set too high of a goal when I decided to try to write two manuscripts this month. I’m already under enough stress- that’s why I withdrew from one university in favor of changing my life by attending a different one. That, and I couldn’t face the idea of another term while still waiting to purchase our house. With each passing day, that transaction gets more stressful, for one reason or another. The stress of school, child-rearing, and life in general had gotten to be too much. So I withdrew and applied at a closer institution. And then what did I do?

I decided to try to commit to writing 100,000 words in 30 days.

Sure, in a normal year, where I’m not going to school and I’m not involved in a lengthy house purchase, I could probably do it. Barely, but still manageable.

This year, not so much.

A couple of days ago I decided to revisit a different method of novel-writing. I am hopeful that I will find this method to be more sustainable. I need, desperately, a writing schedule that will fit into an already-hectic-and-about-to-get-more-so schedule.

I need to find a balance.

Part of finding that balance, for me, is giving myself the freedom to write about whatever I want to write about. That’s what this site is supposed to be for me.

Somewhere, I lost sight of that. I forgot that I had decided not to try to fit in to the normal mold. Other wise, I would still have a series of separate blogs.

Instead, I have one website.

The byline is “An Author’s Voice” for a reason. I have not yet pigeonholed myself into one category or genre. That’s what I had forgotten.

I had shackled myself to the idea that I had to write around themes I’d already established.

I had shackled myself by over-committing myself when already overtaxed.

I gain my freedom today by launching a new page: A Culinary Virtual World Tour.

I gain my freedom today by forgiving myself for making a commitment I cannot fulfill and releasing myself from my promise to try my best to fulfill the NaNoWriMo requirements.

Instead, I will be writing about the fabulous restaurants I’ve visited recently and researching for the two stories I started for NaNoWriMo. Once I am re-familiarized with the other writing plan, I will begin following it. I will be writing about that, too.

All in all, it has been a much-needed beneficial realization.

I am once again looking forward to writing and sharing my experiences through this medium.

Thanks for reading.



Categories: changing behaviors, creative writing, hobbies, NaNoWriMo, writing | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment


I went to PSU today, to verify my that my application was complete. I am glad I did.

Today is the end of week 5 of the term. I withdrew in the middle of week 3 and requested all my transcripts that day.

All of my transcripts have come in, but there seems to be a problem: my OSU transcripts were apparently showing that I was still enrolled and needed to show a W to prove that I had withdrawn.  Panic 1.

Then I found out the cost per credit hour but totally misunderstood the chart. I thought the price went up drastically for EACH credit hour, the more hours you signed up for. For instance, my addled brain thought that if I took a 4 credit course, I would be paying $568 (the actual total for the class, I believe) X 4= 2272 for EACH four credit course I attended, instead of merely being $2272 total for all classes (a much more reasonable figure, in my opinion, of course). Panic 2.

If I’m wrong, I will certainly let you know.

Previously, I would have responded to this type of situation by stopping whatever I was doing. To give up. For surely, it was a sign from the universe that I was on the wrong path. Whatever it took to talk myself out of it, that’s what I would have done.

Today was different.

This time I chose to react differently. I  called OSU to explain my issue and seek help. The kind lady on the phone taught me how to bypass the problem-causing system and subsequently get a physical copy mailed out that should be mailed tomorrow or first thing Monday. And I verified that OSU’s system shows W for all my classes this term and financial aid has been processed. So, when they receive the physical transcripts, they will be exactly what PSU asked for.

Which means BOOM! Task complete and I will be all set to receive my acceptance  within 4-6 weeks (there are 6 weeks left before the end of Fall Term). Once I have the acceptance, I can attend Orientation, speak with an adviser to plan my classes, and also apply for jobs on campus.

Panics resolved and averted. Determination renewed.

Categories: academics, changing behaviors, personal development, personal growth | Tags: , , , | 2 Comments

Nearly done

After a few days of hard work, my various blogs have been consolidated into this site. I am still short a couple of images that I used to have, but other than that, I am ready to start producing content.

I cannot tell you how awesome that feels!


Categories: changing behaviors, creative writing, writing | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

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