For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with depression. Through deep self-reflection, I am slowly making progress towards a truly healthy mental outlook. I have to be honest and say, however, that this is literally the hardest thing I have ever done, and I don’t know that there will ever be an end to it. That thought scares me.
The past year+ has been fraught with drama, life changes, and a lot of pain. I have dealt with it by numbing my mind as often as I could, and had taken a hiatus from writing anything at all. However, I recently made a breakthrough and felt what it was like to love myself wholeheartedly for the first time. To accept myself. To seek the approval I’ve always sought from others, from myself instead. It is strange, wonderful, and scary as hell. If I’m not being validated by others, how can I be sure I’m actually worth the validation? Not that seeking outside approval has made me happy or healthy in the past, but change is hard, and sometimes, I’d just like everything to stay the same for a little while.
For now, I’ll keep trying until this new outlook becomes the norm. This post is a commitment to that goal. A commitment to reminding myself that life is better when it is lived healthily and fully.