I’ve been in a state of turtle-ness for the past three weeks.
By this I mean- barely any makeup, reserved, frumpy clothes, barely speaking outside of class (not that I speak much during class, either), and rarely smiling.
This is just not my norm.
It is, however, my norm when I am faced with new situations. I always go through a period where I pull inward, close down, and simply try to observe until I have a good idea of what behaviors will be accepted and which behaviors will stand out as “bad” in the eyes of those around me.
To me, this is normal. Don’t burst my bubble if it’s not.
Now, however, I finally find myself willing to venture outside my “shell”. I am taking more risks: with the amount of time I’m devoting to my studies (I’ve made time for creative writing and walking, in addition to my housework, all of which take away from my study time and make me antsy), with the clothes I wear (work out pants are a step up from loose, flowing skirts), and my makeup (I’d decided that I would only wear makeup on Fridays, but now I’ve revised that to whenever the hell I feel like it).
This weekend had some very interesting and positive results for me, personally, which is a very good thing.
I learned to trust myself just a little more than I used to (an ongoing effort on my part) and a great deal of my fear went away.
So, look out, fellow students. I’m no longer feeling stifled and judged. I’m now ready to take on all comers! 😉