Sometimes, even those of us who long to be strictly rational (emulating Spock? Nah. . .) can see circumstances and the random chance of things as “signs”. I speak, of course, of myself. I have been waiting, in limbo, for months for a purchase to go through. Today was the deadline for walking away.
Lo and behold, the coveted approval came through!
Of course, we are still “waiting on a seller’s signature” but, “it is approved!”
When you’ve been waiting and agonizing over six months, and are still waiting, and the conclusion of this sale means a drastic improvement for your family, you are understandably torn when said approval arrives with caveats.
I had been firm on the understanding that I could not endure another semester of the anxiety and stress that underwent for Spring term. Having hoped/prayed/believed that the sale would be decided before Fall term, I enrolled in my classes. When then sale was still pending, at the same state as prior, when week 3 of Fall term hit, I knew I had to make a change.
This, of course, is not the only reason I am switching institutions, but it is an even tie in importance.
Waiting to move into a home that provides security, serenity, and “dream home” status to you takes its toll.
When you are highly competitive and driven to succeed in school (and older by a damn sight than the vast majority of your “peers”) the stress of this prolonged state of anxiety can prove detrimental.
When I was tasked with doing a second (in my career) ethnography, I realized I did not have the connections to make this assignment feasible for me. I also realized that I could not complete this term successfully while waiting to buy a house. This took its toll as well.
So, I took steps.
I decided to explore the option of transferring to a local university, where I would be required to attend at least some classes in person. (When you want to pursue at least one Ph.D, personal professional/academic connections are important- and are, in my experience, impossible to achieve via online mediums only)
I’ve loved my time at OSU. I am grateful and thankful that they accepted me as a distance education student; it was a moment of personal validation that I have long needed, without realizing it.
Now, however, I also realize that I need, crave, and cannot live without human connection. Verily, my entire career is centered around it (a sign of an attachment disorder, perhaps?) and yet I had been denying it to myself. For very valid reasons, true, but denying nonetheless (I love that word and don’t care who hates it or why!).
Now is my time.
Be prepared for a change of site.
I am trying to figure out how to combine all my blogs (8+ on two different sites) into one website.